Confession Time

My name is Rachel and I have a confession to make.  I want more than anything to be swept up in an adventure.  I want a job that I am so passionate about, I am willing to risk everything to keep it.  I want someone to care for that looks at me like no one else could even imagine.  I want someone to always have my back even when I make a stupid decision.  I want to have to question what's right every now and then so that I know the limits of my own character.  I want excitement.
My reality is not enough for me.  I have no life.  I spend my nights alone.  I go to sleep, wake up, and go to work, come home, go for a walk, watch tv, go to sleep.  I am in a rutt.  I am at a job I am growing to hate.  I am alone.
I have recently caught up on White Collar (if you don't watch it you really should, the writing is fantastic and the characters are amazing) and the thing that really struck me this time, was the fact there are things we should be willing to lose everything to protect.  For Neal it was love and freedom, for Peter it's Neal and Elle.  It's different for everyone I suppose.  I would do anything for my parents but it has never come to that.  I have never had to make an actual decision of value.  I suppose ultimately that is why I love to write.  I am able to write characters I wish I could be and hope if the opportunity ever arises I will be, but now that may be taken away from me. 
So, decision time.  Do I stay with the safety net, earn a paycheck dealing with a boss I am pretty sure would put Al Capone to shame and losing faith in all humanity?  Or do I take a risk and leave and pursue writing which is a poor profession and have no guarantee?  Is it worth losing the rights to anything I write to have a steady paycheck?  I hate my job don't get me wrong, but it's safe.  I've already been told there is no replacement for me.  But I may have to give up writing to stay. 
It's times like these I really wish I had a special someone who could talk me through my options, but in reality if something were to happen to me (kidnapped, murdered, etc) no one would even know for several days and even then it would only be if my boss worried I didn't show up to work. 
I kind of feel like Neal.  I would give anything to have what my parents have.  I have looked, he's not out there.  I need a change.  A move.  Something. 
So, yes, my name is Rachel and I do have a confession.  I want my life to mean something.  I want to matter to someone whether its through my books, or through my actions, or through my love, I want someone I'd die for, quit for, and protect with everything I value.  Maybe one day.  Until then...anyone hiring?